Greetings from Sunny Florida

Apologies for the extended break. As most working stiffs know, anytime you've got a vacation coming up, the week before (and for that matter, the week after) are pure hell.

I'm currently sunning my ample arse in Bradenton, Florida, inside a gated golf resort enclave that I must say is pretty damn nice. The weather has been positively spectacular, and of course, with our timing and luck, so has the weather back home. Nothing like clicking on Boston.com and seeing the old folks frolicking on the shores of Nantasket Beach. Not that we wish our family and friends back home bad weather, but... I guess we do. But no complaints here whatsoever. Still can't figure out why we live in the Northeast.

Anyway, enough about that. Let's catch up a little on the sporting scene, beginning with today's solid debut - albeit a wasted one - by Sox rookie pitcher Justin Masterson. The kid threw a gem against a very good team, but, as has been the trend so far this season, the lead eroded when the middle relievers (hello, Javy Lopez and Manny Delcarmen) answered the call. In the end, Masterson goes six, gives up two hits, one run, walks four, and K's four - and gets nothing to show for it. 'Twill be interesting to see what his immediate future holds. Probably heading back down route 95 to Pawtucket. In the end, the Angels take two of three from the Sox at Fenway, with a caveat that we had to skip Beckett and Dice-K, and didn't have Jason Varitek - all because of a rampaging flu bug.

Turning to hoops, the Celtics have sprinted to a somewhat easy 2-0 lead over the Atlanta Hawks in their first-round series. No surprise there. The big story has been Hawks' guard/idiot Mike Bibby, who called out C's fans this week as being bandwagon jumpers. Whatever, Mike. That bandwagon is currently leaving treadmarks on your ass.

We all know how the Bruins-Habs series ended, and while it was a disappointing finale, you have to give the B's credit for making the Canadiens work for it. The 5-4 win in Game 6 will go down as one of the great ones. And it hurts a bit to wonder what the injured Patrice Bergeron would have brought to the table.

As for the local pro football entry, the NFL Draft - quite possibly the most overrated, overhyped sporting "event" of the year - is happening this weekend. Drink every time you see or hear Mel Kiper and Todd McShay, and you'll be passed out within a half-hour. Pats currently have the 7th pick, and I'm not even going to project who they might get. Let's just say probably someone pretty good.

Provided, that is, that commish Roger Goodell doesn't dock them yet another pick. News broke yesterday - and ESPN was ALL OVER IT don't ya know - that the league had finally reached an agreement with scumbag Matt Walsh to see what kind of evidence he has. He'll be meeting with Goodell on May 13. Let's get it over with. Even if Walsh has new, incriminating evidence, good luck proving that Coach B sanctioned it. There's nothing he can produce that will take anything away from what the Patriots have accomplished - and will continue to accomplish - this decade. They have the softest schedule in the league in 2009 and could easily go undefeated again and be right back where they were. If they do, they ain't losing this time.

And finally... why do I have a picture of the SNL Cowbell skit up there? Well, I'm heading over to Tropicana Field tomorrow night to see the Sox play the Rays. And it just so happens that the Rays are giving all fans who enter the park with some sort of Rays' gear on a cowbell. See, they want them to ring the cowbell every time a Sox batter has two strikes on him. But they forgot something kind of important - 60% of the fans will be Red Sox fans, who may just use the giveaway against the home team. Either way, I'll have a game recap for you Friday night after the festivities.

Borowski. Polish for "Not Good"

Scintillating comeback win for the Sox last night in Cleveland. They trailed 4-1 at one point, and ended up winning 6-4 on a huge Manny Ramirez home run in the top of the 9th off Indians "closer" Joe Borowski. The Sox tied it at 4 thanks to a Julio Lugo double down the line, a sacrifice bunt by Coco Crisp that moved Lugo to third, and a sacrifice fly by Dustin Pedroia. After that, Big Papi got his second hit of the game, Tito pinch-ran Jacoby Ellsbury for him, and then Manny smashed his 493rd career homer off Borowski, who may be looking for work soon. The only sour note was Jon Lester's lackluster performance.

In other news, as you know already, the Yankees unearthed the David Ortiz shirt that would have cursed the organization and the new ballpark into eternity. Wouldn't you have loved to have been a fly on the well when the braintrust was discussing what to do? Absolutely beautiful. And maybe it will be a reverse curse, as Big Papi had two hits last night.

Topping it Off

Putting a cherry on a jam-packed sports Sunday here in the Hub...

- Someone in MLB's corporate offices needs to take a look at the length of these damn ballgames. Last night's Sox-Yanks series finale was a four-hour affair, which, combined with Dice-K's maddening tendency to be too fine with mediocre hitters, made for a long, drawn-out night. Add to that the fact that we had to listen to Joe Morgan's "analysis" and it was downright excruciating. MLB needs to get at the root cause of these long games. Let the home plate ump call a ball if a pitcher's taking too long, or a strike if a batter is stepping out of the box repeatedly. Do something.

- At least the wait was worth it. The Sox took the series from the Spanks with an 8-5 win, despite having Big Papi on the bench for a mental health day, and a less-than-stellar Dice-K. We'll take it. The boys are on to Cleveland tonight for a three-game set.

- One last thing on Sox-Yanks. It didn't take very long for the Yankees braintrust (and I use that term lightly) to excavate the David Ortiz shirt that was buried underneath the new stadium. While I expected them to do this, it still blows me away that a) they believed it might lead to a curse, and b) they paid a construction crew overtime to dig it out of several feet of concrete. Here's hoping it's a reverse curse of sorts, and Big Papi starts swinging the lumber the way we've all become accustomed to.

- How 'bout those Bruins?? Struggling to get some good pub in this sports-crazed town, the Bruins came up big last night against the Canadiens in a must-win game at the Garden. For a while, it looked like a great effort was going to be wasted yet again. But the B's came through in overtime on a sweet feed from Dennis Wideman to Marc Savard, and they're right back in it. Say what you want about the state of the NHL, but it's become a more exciting game and there's nothing quite like playoff hockey.

- As much as I can't stand them, I have to give props to the Boston College men's hockey team. They were struggling at the mid-year point, but as usual, Jerry York had them flying when it matters most. All they did at the Frozen Four was outscore their opponents by a 10-2 margin. Makes me believe even more that the coach at my alma mater - UNH - needs to be scrutizined a bit. Someone else agrees with me.

- And of course, it was Masters weekend. Not the most riveting tournament, but still a treat to watch. South African Trevor Immelman took advantage of Tiger's putting woes to win.

Sports Sensory Overload

Thank you, Mr. Remote Control inventor, whoever you are. Thank you Sony. Thank you Verizon high-def. Thank you Captain Morgan. Thank you sister-in-law, for inviting my wife and kids up to Portland tonight for a play date. I'm here at home having my own little play date.

Holy crap, what a sports day! A quick rundown: Red Sox vs. Yankees at Fenway kicked it off. The game started at 4 and is actually in a rain delay right now. Situation was Sox up 4-3 in the top of the 8th... Yanks have men on first and second... Papelbon facing A-Rod. So, um, it kind of was stopped at a crucial time. We'll see what happens.

Next, the venerable Masters. Nothing like watching Augusta National in high definition. Tiger's 4 shots back, I believe, after doing some nice catch-up work today. Trevor Immelman is in the lead. Tonight, you've got the Bruins playing Montreal in Game 2 of their first-round playoff series. B's lost Game 1 and are trailing 2-0 right now. I want to get behind the Bruins, but it's so hard not to be a cynic about this team. The Celtics are also in action tonight, playing the Hawks in a meaningless game. And you've got the NCAA hockey championship going on between BC and Notre Dame. BC, which incredibly has been in the last three title games (0-2) is in command so far with a 3-1 lead.

The post-Super Bowl sports dead zone is so dead.

I'll end on this note, since the Sox and Yanks are playing this weekend. It's uncanny how the karma between the two franchises has shifted since Grady Little's brain fart in the 2003 ALCS. Of course, the most obvious evidence is that the Sox have won two titles this decade, while the Yankees have won zero. But consider these other forces at work: Roger and Andy were fingered in the Mitchell Report. A red hawk that lives at Fenway attacked a schoolgirl named Alexa Rodriguez last week. Derek Jeter and Jorge Posada are injured. They paid Randy Johnson millions and decided not to pay the price for Johan Santana. George is old and frail and hopefully about to die (kidding, Lord). And just when you think that's it, there's this beauty. Evidently, when the new Yankee Stadium was being built, a Red Sox fan on the construction crew buried a David Ortiz shirt in the foundation to cast a spell on the Yankees. Because the story came out in the New York Post, there was some back and forth over whether it was true or not. The stupid Yankees actually came out and said that it was a late April Fool's joke. Today, the Post (three reporters no less!) followed up with a story quoting the guy who buried the shirt, some mid-40 worker named Gino who's been a lifelong Red Sox fan. I think he may have been lurking somewhere in the picture above, looking for a shovel. Something tells me Gino might want to move to the woods of Idaho pretty quickly, or he may be swimming with the fishies.

And how's this for a finish to the post - the Sox and Yanks just resumed play, and Papelbon struck out all four guys he faced for the victory.

Okay, back to my play date.

Home Cooking

Well, we'll see if an extra day of sleep and relaxation helps our tired bunch of Sox today. The home opener is on tap today at Fenway for a 2:05 start, with Dice-K going against Kenny Rogers. You've got a jet-lagged team going against a shockingly winless team in the Tigers, who many predict will be in the Fall Classic.

It's hard to put into words, but Opening Day here in Boston always feels good. Everyone's a little happier, people are playing hooky from school and work to be at the game, there's a buzz in the streets of Back Bay, and - as an added gift from Mother Nature - it's actually going to be a pretty nice day weather-wise for some ball.

Oh - and there's this little banner and ring ceremony before the game to get you completely in the mood. As far as I'm concerned, the 2008 season begins today.
*****
I'd be remiss if I didn't expend a few words on last night's classic college hoops championship game. First, though, a quick disclaimer: I'm not a college hoop afficionado even in the slightest; I don't watch the sport at all until March Madness, but always make sure to watch the championship game (mostly because CBS lets me get caught up on the whole tournament with "One Shining Moment"). Last night's game was just a pure treat to watch, with two extraordinarily talented teams going at each other for a full game and then an overtime. Memphis and coach John Calipari will be kicking themselves for eternity after squandering a 9-point lead with 2 minutes to go in regulation. The contributing factors to their demise? Turnovers, good Kansas D, a timeout that wasn't called, and - what everyone kept saying would ultimately be the Tigers' downfall - missed free throws, especially in the clutch. As soon as Jayhawk junior Mario Chalmers hit that epic three to tie it and send it to overtime, you just knew Memphis was all done.

Bring Us Home, Josh

I come today to pay homage to the months of April and October. If you're a sports fan, these two months bear the greatest gifts by far. April is awesome because baseball is just starting up, you've got the NBA and NHL playoffs, NCAA hoops, the Masters, college hockey, the NFL draft. In fact, did you know that the word 'April' is derived from the Latin 'aperiere' - meaning 'to open?' Consider yourself educated. In October, you've got playoff baseball, the NFL in full gear, basketball and hockey seasons starting up, college football. Oh, and yours truly was born in October, which was obviously a historic moment in the world.

But enough of that gobbledygook. There's a hell of a lot going on so let's get to it...

* At this very moment, Josh Beckett and the Sox are playing their weekend finale against the Blue Jays in Toronto. It's Beckett's debut this year, and his stuff so far looks unhittable. Looks like he's picking up right where left off, and it couldn't have come at a better time. The Sox need him to be a stopper today after losing the first two, including yesterday in embarrassing (10-2) fashion. Win today, day off tomorrow, rings and banner on Tuesday. Incredibly, they've been on the road since March 19. Jacoby Ellsbury just went deep to give the Sox a 1-0 lead.

* As for the on-field performance so far, it's way too early to call anything a trend. The middle-relief has looked shaky. Dice-K and Lester have each submitted a bad and good outing. Manny and Papi aren't stroking it the way they will. And to be perfectly honest, the opposing teams so far this year have gotten more of the little bounces that can collectively decide a game.

* The big surprise in the league so far is the loaded but winless Detroit Tigers, who are 0-5 heading into today's games. The big-name offense hasn't delivered, and the same could be said for the Yankees so far as well.

* In the "You Can't Make This Stuff Up" department - I guess there are a couple of hawks that nest in and around Fenway Park. Last week during a school tour, one of the hawks swooped in on a young girl and did a little bit of damage to her forehead. The girl's name? Alexa Rodriguez, aka A-Rod.

* As for the Celtics, they hit the 60-win mark this week and clinched home court throughout the playoffs. It's officially the single greatest one-year turnaround in NBA history, and a lot of people around here - right or wrong - are thinking this is the year for banner number 17. At the very least, they have to get to the Eastern Conference finals to justify this season as a success, and I think that will happen and more. I'm calling for a rematch of that tremendous 1976 Finals between the Celtics and Suns.

* By the way, someone in the media needs to do one of those rambling, fawning profiles on Celtics GM Danny Ainge. Danny had a plan and stuck with it, got some luck along the way, and he's proven himself to be a pretty damn good evaluator of talent. Apart from the Big Three, the complementary pieces he's added through free agency and the draft (Posey, House, Rondo, Powe, Big Baby, etc.) have been very impressive.

* As for the Pats, nothing too big. Still no word from our little golf pro friend out in Hawaii. The latest news reports literally have Roger Goodell calling Walsh out to come forward with whatever "evidence" he has, which seems like a possible indicator that nothing else will be coming out. As I've said before, it's not good enough for this story to just die down and fade away, if that's indeed what happens. Someone needs to be held accountable for dragging the Pats' name in the mud, and it will be fascinating to see what Kraft's legal moves might be, if any. Does he want to keep the story alive and go after someone or just let it die?

* With the draft coming up (April 25-27), talk will start to heat up over what the Pats will do. Keep the #7 pick or trade up or down? I like this Gholston kid from Ohio State, but you just know Mangina will swoop in and tweak us by grabbing him. We shall see.

* One last note - you may remember my fondness and frustration for the University of New Hampshire men's hockey team. UNH always has a good team, but the knock on them through the years has been that they don't play well when it counts. Last year, I started to mention that the coach, Dick Umile, needs to be put under the microsocope a little more. I mean, I realize that it's college hockey we're talking about, but this guy signed a monster contract a few years back and he hasn't come close to delivering the goods. It's now the University of No Hardware. Anyway, an enterprising soul put together this site dedicated to putting Umile's feet to the fire. It gives you the year-by-year disappointments and it ain't pretty. Since 2000, they've played in 8 postseason games and have scored 11 goals. And they've been one and done each of the last three years. I'm working on my letter to the AD as we speak.

* Enjoy the rest of your weekend. Kansas-Memphis tomorrow night should be a pretty good one.

Bob Kraft: Model Owner

In case you needed any more evidence that Pats owner Bob Kraft is one of the best owners in all of sports. SI's Don Banks reports on a surprise Spygate address both Kraft and Bill Belichick delivered to their fellow coaches and owners in Florida yesterday.

Opening Day, Part Deux

Hopefully the boys have caught up on their sleep since returning from Tokyo. Tonight - in a bit of deja vu - it's Dice-K against Joe Blanton in Oakland in the domestic regular season opener. I actually saw ESPN refer to yesterday's game as the domestic opening day for baseball. Has a nice ring to it, eh?

As for yesterday's games, let's just say if you're a closer it wasn't safe to come out of the bullpen. I think my favorite image - which I saw just as my eyelids were closing last night - was Eric Gagne giving up a huge 9th-inning bomb to the Cubs' Kosuke Fukudome. Some things never change. It's still unfathomable to me that Gagne's getting $10 million this year to throw gopher balls. What a country.

Anyway - nothing hugely exciting yesterday. The Yankees couldn't play their historic last opener in Yankee Stadium due to the rain. The Mets - behind Johan Santana - easily dispatched the weak Florida Marlins. The Indians and White Sox tangled in a barn-burner, and if you have Jim Thome on your fantasy team you're a happy camper. And the Tigers - a lot of peoples' pre-season World Series champ pick - went down to the Royals in extra innings.

A lighter schedule today, but we're jacked for some real Sox baseball.

Fort Myers to Japan to LA to Oakland to Toronto...

Well, this certainly goes down as the most bizarre start to a baseball season, eh? The Sox played two games that count in Japan, then flew to LA to play three games this weekend that don't count, and then they start up again for real this week in Oakland. For a sport where the players are known to be highly superstitious about their routines, this has to be killing them.

The Sox ended up splitting against the A's in Tokyo, as Rich Harden showed he's back to form with a strong performance in Game 2. This weekend, they play the Dodgers - who are celebrating their 50-year anniversary of the move from Brooklyn to LA - and the second game is being played in the LA Memorial Coliseum, a venue that is more linked with famous football games. Think USC Trojans, O.J. Simpson, circa 1968 or so.

The game in the Coliseum could have a circus-like atmosphere. The Dodgers are hoping to attract more than 100,000 fans to the game and there will be a 60-foot high wall in left field only 200 feet from home plate. Can you imagine Manny playing the caroms?

Let's see - what else is going on...

Oh yeah, remember how I said the two teams I'd be following during the sports dead zone were the Celtics and the UNH Wildcat men's hockey team? Well, one of those teams is flying high, and the other is flying home. The Celtics have been on an amazing run lately, pretty much having their way with any good team in the league. Their magic number for clinching first in the East is now at 4 games. UNH, meanwhile, not so good. They lost a heartbreaker to BC in the Hockey East playoffs, got sent to Denver as the No. 1 see in that region for the NCAA tournament, and promptly went out and laid a gigantic egg, losing in embarrassing fashion to Notre Dame, 7-3.

As for March Madness - the surprise team so far has been Davidson and their star shooter Stephen Curry, who's averaging more than 30 a game. They've taken down Georgetown and Wisconsin in their last two games. The #1 seeds - North Carolina, Kansas, Memphis, and UCLA - are all still breathing. Of those four, I think UCLA's got the best chance to be in the championship game. Two other teams that flew under the radar but have impressed thus far are Louisville and Texas. The Longhorns may actually be better in the post-Kevin Durant era.

Land of the Rising Sun, Indeed

Merry Christmas, Sox fans. The boys opened up the 2008 campaign in Tokyo this morning with a rousing 6-5 victory in extra innings over the A's. Brandon Moss of all people hit a huge game-tying homer in the top of the 9th and then Manny broke a 4-4 tie in the 10th with a 2-run double. Some nervousness in the bottom of the 10th but Papelbon squeezed out his first save.

All in all, a pretty interesting event, this Opening Day in Tokyo stuff. The Sox - for all their jet-lag kvetching and the threatened boycott over coaches' pay - seem to be genuinely enjoying themselves in Japan, at least from the TV footage I've seen. The fans go nuts of course whenever Dice-K or Hideki Okajima are involved. The Tokyo Dome has beer girls who walk around the park with little kegs strapped to their backs, and the PA inexplicably plays the theme song to The Jetsons on every foul ball. "His boy Elroy..."

Dice-K turned in his usual inconsistent performance, struggling early but then finding his groove in his last three innings. He left with a 3-2 lead after five, giving up 5 walks and striking out 6. Maybe he got a case of the homeland jitters.

In any event, the Sox are perfect on the young season and we'll do this crazy Japan thing all over again tomorrow morning. After that, it's off to Los Angeles (weirdly) for three exhibition games this weekend before the real games come back for good on April 1 against these same A's.

No Country for Poor Men

Lots of things kicking around today. The Sox made news over the last 24 hours with their "boycott" on the Japan trip to start the season. Evidently, each player is getting a $40,000 stipend for the trip, and the coaches, trainers, equipment guys, etc., were supposed to get the same. At the last minute, though, MLB - that cash-starved organization - took the extra stipends off the table. This prompted the Sox to issue a public threat that unless MLB paid up, they weren't going to Japan. They even delayed their last Florida game today with Toronto until the issue was resolved. Of course, Bud Selig, not wanting to anger bazillions of Japanese baseball fans, caved in. As he should have. Has to make the Sox coaches feel good that the players have their backs.

Switching over to hoops, how about those Celtics?!? They're down 22 Monday night to San Antonio and they come back to win. Then last night they're in Houston, playing against a team that has won 22 straight games, and they hand out a thorough beatdown. Final score, Boston 94, Houston 74.

I'm trying not to get too excited about the prospects for banner 17, but when you see performances like this against the iron of the league, it's hard not to have confidence. The defense this team is playing - led by KG - is just stifling. We've reached the point where if the C's aren't in the Eastern Conference finals, it'll be a major letdown. Celtics-Lakers, anyone? How friggin' fun would that be?

It Ain't Easy Being Green

Happy St. Pat's Day. Haven't posted for a while, so thought I'd do a little around the horn update on the four pro teams in town.

RED SOX: Josh Beckett and his ailing back are getting better, but the ace (wisely, it says here) will not be making the trek to Japan with his teammates. Instead, the Opening Day starter on March 25 against the A's will be Daisuke Matsuzaka (whose wife delivered their second child early) and Jon Lester will throw Game 2. It's a week from tomorrow, kids.

In other Sox news, the team cut the cord with Doug Mirabelli last week, opting to keep Kevin Cash around instead for less money and a similar pathetic batting average. Jason Varitek was none too pleased, but something tells me he'll get over it. The lasting memory of Dougie will always be his celebrated police escort to Fenway in May 2006 right before a Tim Wakefield start against the Yankees. That was also the night, incidentally, that Johnny Damon returned to Boston in pinstripes. Don't cry for Dougie, though - the man should kiss the ground every day for how long he's lasted with so little.

It's been pretty tranquil in Fort Myers otherwise. Something tells me the Dynamic Duo is going to be in full force this year - with Big Papi feeling healthy after knee surgery and Manny playing for another four-year contract.

CELTICS: Lucky the Leprechaun's team encounters its toughest four-game stretch of the season beginning tonight, with road games against the iron of the West: San Antonio, Houston, Dallas, and that team from the Old Wild West, New Orleans. The Rockets have incredibly won 22 straight ballgames, including 10 since Yao Ming's season-ending injury. These games should be fun - and they're a good measuring stick to see what the C's postseason chances might be. Ray Allen (ankle) will be a game-time decision tonight.

PATRIOTS: All's quiet on the Foxborough front. Every other couple days, a Spygate story pops up, they're getting closer to a deal, blah, blah, blah. This thing's going to die a slow, painful (for ESPN) death, and I can't wait to see how the mainstream sports media handles it. Been thinking some about Coach Bill, and how a guy is defined by the types of friends he has. Bill's got some pretty slimy pals - starting with Nick Saban and Tony La Russa, who's currently hosting BB at Cardinals camp in Jupiter, Florida.

BRUINS: As expected, the UCLA Bruins will be the first seed in the West Region of the NCAA men's tournament, which begins in all its glory this week. No update available on the Brown University (RI) Bruins.

Hump Day

It's a bit of a quiet time on the sports front right now, what with March Madness starting to percolate and spring training baseball underway. We don't typically veer much off the sports map here at HH, but I've just got to add my two cents on this stunning Eliot Spitzer saga.

I mean, how stupid can you be? For a guy who went to Princeton and Harvard, his idiocy (Belichickian arrogance?) is absolutely breathtaking. Evidently, Spitzer hasn't seen the best show on TV, which is all about using wiretaps to put criminals behind bars. Don't know if he's headed there, but he is all done politically for the rest of his living years. Will be interesting to see what his wife's next steps are too. She's a pretty good looking lady, who looked awfully friggin' pissed off at today's news conference. I mean, can you imagine the embarassment - on a national and world level?!? There's no way she stays with him.

Getting back to sports, the big, beat-it-thoroughly-into-the-ground non-story of the week has been the status of Josh Beckett's back. Supposedly, it's not a major thing but it may be enough to keep Beckett stateside when the team travels to Japan in a couple of weeks to open up the season against the A's. Long flights are not good for sore bones, and most would agree that it's best to leave the ace home. Daisuke Matsuzaka is also iffy for the trip (which would no doubt disappoint his legion of Japanese fans) because his wife is due to deliver a child around that time. What are the odds Manny gets on the plane to Japan?

After much deliberation, I've decided to hold onto Tulowitzki ($1), Hart ($1) and Bedard ($10 in my auction draft. I knew you'd want to know. The decision to keep Tulo was made a little easier by the fact that he's the best available SS after others that are being kept on other teams (Reyes, Rollins, Hanley). Still, I hear that Magglio's on fire this spring and I'm tempted. (By the way, is Boston-Detroit in the ALCS too easy a prediction? How about my yearly wish for a rematch of the '86 World Series?

And finally, how about a little CZJ? Can't believe she's married to that old wrinkle-bag Michael Douglas. Viva la Catherine!

Sunday Odds & Ends

Didn't want to let too much more time pass before I posted this awesome shot of Big Papi riding in a police sidecar during the team's visit to DC a couple weeks ago. Classic.

Incredible story of the golfer who hit an endangered hawk. Guy was annoyed with the constant chirping, took a swing, and got (un)lucky. Reminds me of a story from way back, when Bobby Jam saw a plump little gopher crossing the fairway, took out a low iron, and whoommmmmmmppp. Will never forget that sound. I think the gopher lived to laugh about it.

As usual, Bob Ryan is dead on with his column today about the over-the-top reaction to Brett Favre's retirement. Favre's Hall-bound, but he's never been a candidate for the Mount Rushmore of QB's.

Speaking of the Hall of Fame, Tom Verducci explores whether a certain sidecar-riding DH will be Cooperstown material some day.

Roger Goodell's announced intention to crack down on league-wide cheating/spying will add fuel to the fire of those of us who've been saying all along that a lot of teams are involved in this activity. Not saying it's right, but it is what it is. If 'Spygate' goes nowhere - and it's been pretty quiet for a while, much to the irritation of ESPN the Tabloid - I hope Bob Kraft files a massive defamation/libel lawsuit.

I need your help. I'm in a three-keeper fantasy baseball league and my candidates for keeping are Ichiro ($29), Corey Hart ($1), Magglio Ordonez ($8), Troy Tulowitzki ($1), and Erik Bedard ($10).. Which three would you hold on to? Right now, I'm thinking Maggs, Bedard and Hart, but I'm waffling...

Oh, and one more thing. I love me some Scarlett, but I've always been partial to Cherize. Look at those teeth.

Where's Johnny Most When You Need Him?

They're not exactly the bad boy Pistons of Chuck Daly, Rick Mahorn, and Bill Laimbeer (otherwise known as McFilthy and McNasty to Johnny), but last night's much-anticipated game between the Celtics and Detroit brought those sweet memories flooding back. If you listened to the games on the radio back then, good ol' Johnny had you convinced that Mahorn and Laimbeer should be locked up for first-degree murder.

But onto the current state of affairs. In case you hadn't noticed, our Boston Celtics are very much for real, and look like the odds-on favorite to be top dog in the East as they continue to battle it out with the Pistons.

Last night's game at the Garden was a close one throughout, with the C's pulling away in the fourth quarter thanks to some tenacious D and Mr. Garnett simply taking over. Final score was 90-78, and believe it or not the Celts are the first team to clinch a playoff spot. My, how things have changed.

Moss Back in the Fold - Can He Play Corner?

Well, I'll be damned. A professional athlete - one with a somewhat checkered past no less - actually kept his word. After a record-breaking year, after all the praise for the Patriots organization and especially Tom Brady, after repeatedly saying that he wants to retire a Patriot - Randy Moss had an open window where he was free to leave for bigger bucks. And he chose to stay.

This despite the breathless reports on ESPN the Tabloid that Moss had talked with former teammate Daunte Culpepper about offering themselves as a dual package for some team. Or that Moss might be headed to Dallas. Once again, ESPN was wrong. Moss and the Pats finally reached a deal on Monday that will pay the receiver $27 million over three years. In the end, not only did Moss stay in Foxborough, he solidified himself as a Team First guy by taking less dough than he could have gotten in these crazy days of free agency. I also like how the first thing he said about re-signing was 'We've got some unfinished business to take care of." His most prominent suitor was the Philadelphia Eagles...

... who also just happened to pluck Asante Samuel away from New England for a tidy 6-year, $57 million deal. I knew Asante was gone the day I read a story that said he had a tattoo that said 'Get Paid.' Really, isn't that all you need to know? I don't begrudge the man one iota for getting paid, but I'm also not heartbroken over the loss. Maybe it's the blind faith that I have in the Belichick/Pioli machine, but I think they'll be fine. Moss was the guy they absolutely, positively had to re-sign and they got it done, albeit with a little nail-biting.

The question now is who the hell is going to play cornerback. Not only did the Pats lose Samuel, they also parted ways with Randall Gay, who signed a rich deal with New Orleans. They'll probably sign a few serviceable veterans over the next month or so, and then the NFL Draft will be here in April. Some pundits like this kid Talib from Kansas, but I'm hoping they grab Vernon Gholston, the linebacker from Ohio State. They need to get younger at that position, and fellow Buckeye alum Mike Vrabel would no doubt be a great mentor.

Come to think of it, this is why the NFL has so much money to pay these guys. We're talking football when spring training is going on.

TGIF

Yeah okay, she's had a couple of tough years. Half the pictures on Google either have her bombed off her ass, eyelids shut, with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth, or they're mug shots. But I don't care - I still say she is very beautiful.

NY Times: Bush Makes Fun of Ballplayer's Dying Grandmother

Well, the Sox flew from Fort Myers to the nation's capital today to be recognized at the White House, and I must say - President Bush was on his game. In between praising Big Papi, his Texas homeboys Mike Timlin and Josh Beckett, and manager Terry Francona, Bush managed to get a nice zinger in on Manny, who was a no-show at the proceedings. "I guess Manny's grandmother died again," said Bush, drawing a good hearty guffaw from the team. (Love the word 'guffaw' - see, that's what you get here at our low-cost operation: vocabulary) After the White House ceremony, the team - as it did in 2005 stopped by Walter Reed hospital to visit with injured veterans.

On a completely unrelated note, a funny thing I read in the newest issue of Sports Illustrated under "They Said It." UC-Irvine basketball coach Mike Gillespie, on complaints that the school's anteater mascot isn't ferocious enough: "If you're an ant, then an anteater is ferocious." The man has a point. Still, an anteater?

(Boston.com photo)

Sox Make Some News

The Red Sox have made some news in the last 48 hours, first with the announcement of skipper Terry Francona's long overdue contract extension, and then second with the news that the team has signed Bartolo Colon to a minor league/incentive-laden deal.

First on Francona - the man belongs here, and wants to be here, and I'm very glad they got this done. You can't put enough value on his ability to handle his guys in this cauldron that is truly unlike any other cauldron. It's a perfect marriage.

As for Colon, what's not to like? It's a low-risk move for a guy less than three years removed from dominance. If he contributes anything, it's gravy. That said, he was positively putrid last year and he may never toe the slab (love that phrase) in the big leagues again. His one-time 95-98 fastball has dipped into the high-80s, occasional low-90s.

ESPN: Frauds

More proof that ESPN has a total anti-Patriots bias in terms of the Spygate story. At 10 p.m. on Friday night, the lead story on ESPN.com - the No. 1 story on the most-read sports website in the world - was a headline that read 'Specter says Patriots "stonewalling" Spygate probe.' Written, ahem, by Mike Fish, which I'm becoming more and more convinced is really Ron Borges' new pseudonym. The Specter "story" is nowhere to be found on the front pages of SI.com or CBS Sportsline or FoxSports.com. The Worldwide Leader is rapidly becoming a worldwide joke.