Hardball Heaven

The mighty Americans lost to Team Canada earlier tonight, and we're not talking about pond hockey, dammit - we're talking about our national pastime. Not only did the U.S. lose, it was downright embarrassing for a while as Marlins lefty Dontrelle Willis got shellacked right out of the box. At one point, Canada led 8-zip. Even more shocking was the fact that Red Sox benchwarmer Adam Stern was the offensive and defensive star for Canada, going 3 for 3 with a single, triple and, gulp, an inside-the park homer, eh. The Americans rallied and made a game of it, thanks to Sox captain Jason Varitek's grand salami to straightaway center - right-handed, by the way. But then Sternie (his hockey nickname) robbed Chase Utley of a potential game-tying homer in the 8th inning and that was it. Utley even gave it the Manny salute, flipping his bat and raising both arms in a premature celebration. The winning pitcher was someone named Adam Loewen.

I've certainly got nothing against Canada, I just think we should at least beat 'em in friggin' baseball. One of my all-time favorite baseball trips was in 1990 when I made the trek to Montreal with a bunch of college buddies to see former Sox wingnut Dennis "Oil Can" Boyd pitch for the Expos. (Editors note: We didn't drive all the way from Boston to Montreal just to see the Can; we were already at a pal's place on Lake Champlain when someone noticed in the paper that Boyd was pitching that night -- alongside another article that said the Sox had traded a kid named Jeff Bagwell to the Astros for Larry Andersen). Anyway, we not only got to see the Can pitch, we also saw him hit (he grounded out twice). We had great fun shouting obscenities at Dodgers CF Kirk Gibson. And, even though Olympic Stadium was an absolute dump, its one redeeming quality was that it sold large 6.5% Molsons in the bleachers for 'un but', or one dollar. Yee-hah.

But I digress - back to the WBC. You can read all about Canada's startling win here. Roger Clemens will be on the hill next for the U.S., which now faces a must-win situation against South Africa, birthland of the lovely Charlize Theron.