Hardball Heaven

I always knew Roger Clemens was extremely deficient in the gray matter department, but my goodness, this takes the cake. He walked his stubborn, egotistical ass right into a potential perjury trap this week on Capitol Hill, and while I sincerely doubt anything will ever stick on Teflon Con Man Roger, you can bet the Feds are going to try their damndest.

What a tangled web he wove. In between "misremembering" details and answering some of the committee's more difficult questions (curiously all posed by Democrats), Clemens had time to tell us about his patriotism, the good deeds he does for children, his momma, how he was given nothing in life, how hard he works, that he's won 7 Cy Youngs, that Red Sox GM Dan Duquette's "twilight" comment inspired him, that he went through a period where he was "locating" the ball better, that he cried when Brian Piccolo died in the movie, that he and Deb enjoy long walks on the beach, and hot fudge sundaes with their K kids after their ballgames. I mean, COME ON. To quote the embarrassing Dan Burton, "Gee whiz, are you kidding me?"

It was both a sad commentary on our political system and high theater at the same time. By now, you've read the accounts in the newspapers, and listened to the radio blowhards opine. And while the Congressional panel was split along party lines (ala Gore/Bush, 2000), the American public seems to agree that Clemens is guilty, and McNamee - for all his seediness - was telling the truth. Some believe that the next step will indeed be a criminal investigation by the Justice Department. Whether the smoking gun is Andy Pettitte's damning deposition, or potential witness tampering with The Nanny (Rog said he was doing a 'favor to y'all'), it certainly seems possible.

The other reprehensible aspect to this is Clemens' close relationship with the Republican Party, including President Bush the elder. When the poop was hitting the fan, Roger said during the hearings, Bush called him in a deer blind to offer support. What do you think the chances are that ol' George called a few friends in DC prior to the hearings? Certainly seemed like Burton got a call or two. And Tom Davis, who absolutely skewered Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, et al, in 2005. When the hearing was over, Clemens made a beeline for the exit behind where the Congressmen were sitting, waited for Davis - who patted Rog on the shoulder - and the two men walked down the hall, presumably to have a cocktail in Tom's office, which is no doubt decorated with a Fathead of the fathead.

One last takeway is just the incredible arrogance of Clemens, which reached its highest level this week. When this all began, he squealed to Mike Wallace about the lack of respect he's been shown after all he's done for the game of baseball. He spent much of the hearing talking about personal matters, took the liberty to read a letter written by his loser druggie wife, and incredulously interrupted Committee chairman Henry Waxman during his closing statement, to which Waxman banged his gavel down angrily. As someone else on the web o' sphere noted, too bad the gavel didn't splinter so Roger could have thrown it back at Waxman. No doubt he would have claimed that he thought it was a glass of water.